These are not my shoes

Wow, was that an awful Emmy telecast last night or what? Stupid winners, awkward staging, embarrassing technical problems, and just lame, lame, LAME. Seacrest was exactly as bad as everyone thought he'd be. Obviously the producers even knew he was going to suck, which is why they randomly shoved a few comedians on stage to ramble pointlessly in an attempt to provoke a few laughs. It didn't work. And then we had to sit through those stupid musical numbers which meant that the winners only got like twelve seconds for their speeches before they started getting played off. Fail.

You know who they should get to host next time, if they're not going to ask Hugh Laurie? Wayne Brady. Either that or Rainn Wilson, because their bit with Kanye West was pretty much the only scripted moment worth a damn. If it hadn't been for the awesome impromptu Stewart/Colbert/Carell threeway I would write the whole broadcast off as a complete waste of my time.

I am a little happy for 30 Rock, though. If it's not going to be The Office, then 30 Rock definitely deserves it.

Since the Television Academy is so obviously on crack, this year I decided not to bother with predictions and instead made up my own Emmy nominees and winners.

I expanded the supporting actor/actress nominees, because I don't think it's fair that so many shows have only one lead but half a dozen incredibly talented supporting cast members. And i put Gilmore Girls back into comedy so it'd have a better chance.

( If I Ran the Emmys )

Yeah, so I didn't so much get my Emmy picks posted before the show, did I? I tried. Honestly I did. Only, I found that I just couldn't bring myself to care. Most of the nominees are so blindingly mediocre that I seriously did not give a crap who won. And I'm so used to the Emmys being completely out of touch with my tastes that I never expect any of the nominees I actually like to win.

In fact, I didn't even watch the show on Sunday night. I Tivoed through it in fits and starts over the course of the day yesterday. Conan was funny. Greg Garcia's speech rocked. Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert are love. Otherwise, meh.

Anyway, instead of trying make predictions about nominees that put me to sleep, I decided create a Television Academy of One. That's right, what follows is a list of what the nominations would look like if it was all up to me.

( The Sus Academy of Television Arts and Sciences presents... )